Do you think you have a cheating spouse?

You may be at the point of suspecting you have a cheating spouse but unsure if they really are being unfaithful. Maybe there have been a few too many phone calls, cut short suddenly, taken into the other room to be answered? Or, is your spouse suddenly working late, leaving early in the morning, not available when you call?  Many men and women have this niggling feeling, then wonder how they can actually find out if their spouse is cheating.

Should you spy on them to find out if they are a cheating spouse?

This is a hard question. On the one hand you want to believe that your spouse is faithful; on the other hand you want to be sure! There are several steps to surviving infidleity and clearly the first one is to be absolutely sure that you have a cheating spouse! Sometimes there are genuine reasons your spouse is being secretive; they may be having a hard time at work and do not want to tell you.  They could be in financial trouble and are trying to sort it out without you finding out the details. Sadly, even in the best relationships, people hide stuff from their partners because they are too ashamed to talk about their problems.  However, if you also feel that your spouse is withdrawing from you emotionally and physically it may be that you have a cheating spouse on your hands!

Your first step is to decide how you want to make sure of their fidelity.  A good place to start is relationship expert and marriage counsellor, Dr Bob Huzienga’s book, “Should I Spy”.  If you sign up below, I will send you a free copy of the book.

Alternatively you may want to consider whether you want to use phone or computer software to check up on your cheating spouse.

        Do I want to know I have a cheating spouse?

Whatever your suspicions, it is probably best to lay your fears to rest, or at least know the worst. Worrying about whether you have a cheating spouse may be better than actually knowing they are being unfaithful, but only in the short term.  If your spouse is cheating on you, or keeping secrets, then it will not get better simply because you don’t know about it! The best relationships need trust to function well and having these doubts about fidelity will cause your relationship harm. Take a deep breath and decide that you will restore the trust and face the possibility of a cheating spouse, in order to deal with it. Surviving infidelity starts with knowledge; your spouse may simply be finding it difficult to talk to you, that needs addressing. If you do find out you have a cheating spouse, that knowledge is your first step to repairing your marriage.

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