If you are reading this then you are probably suspecting your husband or partner is one of the cheating men. And like many other women out there, you are hoping he is not one of those cheating men. But the reality of it is, if you have no solid evidence you must get some first before you accuse him of this inexcusable act. Maybe you are one of the lucky women out there and he is not actually cheating yet, but obviously there is something wrong otherwise you wouldn’t be here, right? So lets see how we can avoid this happening at all costs.
“Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.” Jackie Mason
Cheating men are looking outside their relationship for one reason or another.
Figuring out the many reasons why do men cheat is your number one goal if you want to save your relationship. Here are four great pointers that will help you to avoid the unthinkable.
1. Communication – This is key in ALL kinds of relationships. You must be able to talk to each other about your problems. If there is lack of communication there, chances are he will go looking for someone else that he can talk to, and that will listen to what he has to say. Your partner is your equal not your child. Remember that because there is nothing worse in a mans eyes than his significant other talking to him like he is a child. Make sure you are open with him about the feelings you are having, and that will make him more apt to be open with you.
2. Let him have some time with his friends – For most women, once they are in a relationship, they want to spend as much time with their partner as possible. Although, for the men this is great at first, they soon need the companionship of their male friends. Letting them go out a couple of times a month with their guy friends will make them appreciate you a lot more in the long run. If you are worried they will go out and find someone else, don’t be! Because if they do, then that proves they were not right for you in the first place and eventually it would have happened anyway.
3. Sex – For most men (and women) sex is the most important part of a relationship. If you are no longer having sex with him, he will eventually go and find someone that will. Withholding sex or using it against him in some form or another will only make him resent you more. The old saying is that men think about sex every 7 seconds. With sex on their mind this much, no wonder it is such an important part of their life! Keep the sex going and keep it interesting!
4. Appreciate the small things – Men like to feel appreciated as do all people. Even the smallest little tasks that us women take for granted, like doing the dishes or laundry, are great accomplishments for men, so be sure to thank him when he helps out.
Cheating men are usually looking elsewhere for something they are not getting at home. Keep all these factors above in mind and you should have a long and happy relationship.
You might also like this post >> Is He Cheating? Five Signs to Look For Before You Take Action
To Karenmarie again, and as soon as possible get yourself the hell outta there! He sounds unbalanced.
to Karenmarie
Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, then do as many things that you can to make you look and feel better. This would be exquisitely more soothing if you could fanagle Mr. itsstillmy home’s manpurse, (i just know he’s got one) to be the payor. No one on earth deserves such monstrous treatment. I do not care what evil right he thinks he has saying/doing/insinuating to put this on (read control) you. You are a human capable of giving and receiving love. He is an inhuman pig. Dont give him the angst-energy you’d give a half eaten moldy pork chop. There are happier days ahead for you.
Dear K
get yourself straight to an attorney! If this is a joint home, you are entitiled to 50% of it..now he can either buy you out or you buy him out..it makes no difference..the relationship is over, he is cheating on you and cannot expect you to continue to live together under the same roof.
He is trying to psych you out and make you leave. This is intolerable, you have rights as a common law wife. I hope for your sake there are no children involved??
Please, do not put up with this bullying!
You have legal rights, go find them out and get out of this situation..but do not leave until you know exactly what your rights are.
In the meantime, move hm into another bedroom, or move yourself, I am assuming you cannot tolerate sharing a bed!
I cannot imagine how you feel, other than completely betrayed..but right now you need to protect yourself from his bullying..Please let someone in your family know what is happening..you need some suppport.
Let me know if you need any other help..thinking of you!
Tammy
I found out my partner of many years has been cheating forthe last two years when someone eventually told me he was so wild that they could have been so mean and cruel, as far as what he had done that was fine. He will not move out so has not changed anything still comming home showering changing going out comming home, he said this is his home he will do what he likes.
The most horrid situation to be in.
Dear Helen
if your husband carries on cheating after you have confronted him, and talked it through, then you have only two choices; one – leave him, two – put up with it and live a lie…
A marriage can only be saved if both parties want that to happen..if he seems indifferent or simply thinks you will tolerate it there is no reason for him to stop!
Tell him that cheating is a deal breaker..marriage is about fidelity or the marriage is over.
Get yourself a lawyer!
Tammy
What if i already do all of the above, and he still cheated….HELP.
Once a cheat, ALWAYS a cheat! Why don’t married women get it? Ok just go to craigslist and browse through the Men For Women ad section, I bet you would see at least 40% of the ads are from married men looking for other women because their wife is cold, not passionate or such. My favorite line cheating guys use is that they are in a “passionless” marriage. Give me a break!
Dear Isabel
it would seem that in your husbands’ mind there is a difference between being married and not. However, he is not the most reliable of men is he, and he certainly doesn’t seem to mind fathering children without being married! You say that he is all you could want from a husband, apart from the cheating…I wonder what it is you want from a husband?
If you are to make this work then you two need to be VERY clear about certain things, the most important being what the two of you believe marriage stands for. From what you say,
1. He wants a saint in the kitchen and a slut in the bedroom
2. You want a provider who looks after you and treats you with respect
OK – that could work, BUT, the last time he cheated was when lost his job, and car, and cell phone???? He strayed when he was under pressure, had no money and you were not able to see him, or he felt that he could not see you, take you out treat you right?
What do you do if that happens again? Do you truly understand what he thinks a husband is and do you know what he wants a wife to be and can you two agree on this, BUT be flexible enough to change if things get tough?
My last question is , WHAT ABOUT YOUR SON? You now have a baby girl to take care of, your son’s father is in prison, his new step father has FOUR children to juggle…plus him.
Your son, and your baby girl, they should be your priority. YES you have to see to your husbands’ needs as he too should be caring for you, but you two are adults, your kids have no voice in this!
This is about TRUST but it is also about EXPECTATIONS – you won’t fix this unless you sit down and TALK to your husband properly. Listen you may be shy in bed, but you got all the detials out of him about the affairs..and the fantasy..you are clearly determined and tough..so now figure out what you want, and find out what he REALLY wants.
When you are both on the same page, your marriage has a chance.
Let me know how it goes?
Tammy
I started going out with my husband about a year and a half ago. I had known him since the fifth grade so I knew he had always had a crush on me. Well when we started a relationship I was living in Arizona while he was living in California. He had had two past relationships and a boy with each one and one on the way with the second girl, which he wasn’t aware of. I had recently terminated my relationship with my son’s father.. He was in jail and I was legally married to him.
My husband had a great job and was able to visit me every other week and take me out to eat, etc. He always says he would have wanted me to be the only girl he ever had sex with and that he would’ve wanted to marry me right after high school. I’ve always been skeptical about men’s fidelity so I checked his email constantly for clues of anything stupid. I didn’t start seeing anything until he lost his great job and his car was taken away from him for not having insurance and plus he didn’t have money to pay the cell phone bill anymore. He didn’t have any
money and then I saw a different person. He distant himself from me and I started seeing bad emails. They would make me cry. He shut himself down and started acting different towards me.
Finally he came to visit after so long and stayed with me for a month. He said he would’ve stayed but he missed his boys terribly and not to mention his other baby was about to be born. By that time he had gotten his car back obviously and he was a bit more happy towards me. When he would’ve leave, he wouldn’t come see me for over a month and I think that’s when he started searching for sex elsewhere.
Then we found out I was pregnant and a month later my divorce was finalized. He would tell me that he wanted to marry me the day he knew he would be able to take me back to Cali with him and I knew that wasn’t anytime soon since he didn’t have a job. We went and got the marriage license for when we were ready. We ended up getting married a day before our girl was born and he hasn’t left me ever since. Well since I can’t have sex for six weeks he started doing his stupid things again. I felt like he didn’t want me and he felt the same. I recently found out that he’s been posting ads on craigslist on and off for a year about wanting to satisfy a fantasy he has had for a while and I’m 100% sure he slept with at least one almost a year ago. He had three secret emails he kept hidden from me and I was able to crack his password and change all his settings so he can’t have any access to them.
The stuff I found was devastating to me and I confronted him about it. I was able to manipulate him into telling me that the reason he was doing what he was doing was because the type of women he was looking for were those women that were not shy. I am a real shy person and he wants a slut in bed. And the whole postpartum all he wanted was me to show him affection and that I desired him even though we couldn’t have intercourse. He felt I wasn’t given him attention. He told me he was sorry and that he will never do it again and he loves me because he knew I was about to pack my bags and chances of him seeing the kids were slim to none since I was moving to a different state. plus he said he made me his wife for a reason and not cuz he just wanted a wife. Getting him to say I was right and he was wrong is very difficult but he did it and told me he wants to work things out.
He is acting so good to me like when we first started our relationship and you have that
excitement and the butterflies. I want to believe
that he’s gonna stop cheating on me since he is always bragging about how he hates men who don’t know how to treat their wives with respect and love. it’s really hard for me to forget what he did to me but I promised him he will have me be his slut in bed and that I will stop being shy and insecure about myself. If I find out that he still cheats on me after I give him what he’s looking for then I know he doesn’t take me seriously and it will be really hard for me to walk away since summing it up, he is the best husband I could ever have, excluding the cheating. I really don’t know what to think sometimes. Any clues on how I can know if he continues to cheat? He seems to value my opinion highly and wants to spend more time with me. I just want to be able to trust him.
Dear confused
what a mess, and everyone seems to be getting in on it making it worse! I am not sure whether the issue here is trusting your boyfriend or trusting your friends. OK, so you have already confronted your boyfriend, he has said repeatedly that he didn’t and now a mate called John is giving you a story about a condom and what sounds like a situation where your boyfriend may have had a one night stand?
Unless John is prepared to tell your boyfriend that he has told you and won’t lie for him anymore….I cannot see your boyfriend changing his story…also if John won’t do that, then I wonder at his story???
What is your gut telling you, what are your instincts about this? Do you think your boyfriend is lying, do you think he will do this again? If either answer is yes, then confront him again and say that you HAVE to know, it will not go away and you two need to work through it.
If you believe your boyfriend MAY have had a one night stand but you think he regrets it, and will not cheat again..then decide whether you can live with that and say nothing. You are, however, for your own peace of mind going to have to keep an eye open for unexplained behavior..Trust but VERIFY
Let me know how it goes?
Tammy
Tammy
my boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years, and back in April everyone was saying he was cheating on me but there was no actual proof of it. i was very worried and upset (it turned into a huge mess) because the person who had the information first was a mutual friend who was a lesbian (so she wouldnt have any reason to lie about it to break us up). I chose to stay with him because i love him and there wasnt actual real proof, and he said convincingly over and over he didnt cheat with her. i went through his contacts in his phone looking for her name and didnt find it. But a friend of ours, John, who recently came back from moving told me that he actually did sleep with this girl, because my bf made him lie and say that he had given John a condom, when in fact he didnt. my bf doesnt know he told me, and now I dont know what to do. do I ask him about it? do I ignore it and hope it was a one-time thing? Help please
Dear D
OUCH! You are truly angry girlfriend! I guess you hate him/love him, and don’t get why you were cheated on when you “DID EVERYTHING RIGHT IN THE BEDROOM”
Hey honey, wake up call…he needed more than sex and you two were not on the same page…and, give the guy a break..would you rather your 15K wedding went ahead and then he left you the day after? Or how about the wedding starts and he does not turn up?
So, he cannot trespass on your property (wow there is clearly some heavy stuff going on here) – you HATE him, you are PRETTY and good at sex, so you are off to have some rebound no comittment stuff… fine, one way to get rid of the anger and, heck, men do it all the time…
Rebound no comittment, have fun sex is fine,
IF, it does not make you feel cheap,
IF you do not try to deliberately HURT any other man because of your anger and
IF the SEX IS SAFE – USE PROTECTION..
Let me know when you get over your anger and can talk?
Tammy
My ex-fiance defintly cheated. I wasnt meeting his emotional needs but SEX I love lingere all of that good stuff. He was spoiled with my sex. He called our wedding off 15k wedding less than 21 day’s before. He’s older, ugly, hairy and just not lusty. I was told I am to good for him as as pretty. I am never going through this again! I am hanging in there. I put a no trespassing order so he can’t show up ay my property. I hate him, then I cry, yjen i don’t feel worthy all from this. He is overweight, ba;d, an hairy,smelly, bad dresser hillbilly with no heat and no understanding of honesty. So i will be rebounding soon for no commitment sex!! It works
yeah ur not alone my man was screwing around on me while i was pregnant with his kid. Although i knew in my heart there was something wrong he denied it any time i would ask and tell me i was crazy. The really sick part is he kept tring to get me to be this girls friend said her and I had sooooo much in common and she reminded him of me i unlike u called it quits once i found out what a scumbag he was…but gluck to u baby girl i hope it all works out
I love to cheat , am 23 , i cheat first , in case they cheat , its called security , and every man i know does the same , always will do , just in case the girl is a goldigger , loose as hell , i do rather well , it is mans world and always will be , in fact men are regaining former glory , always do DNA test on your girls children , likely they arent yours , if they are black then its ok you know
Hang in there my dear!!
It is overwhelming, and tough and painful, but you have decide not to give up, so well done! Try and find someone to talk to, just for yourself, you need to vent and cry and feel safe with that. Are you and your husband going to counseling? Sometimes a third party can help you see more clearly. Certainly, there is nothing to stop you going if he is not yet ready to, it will give you strength.
Remember to set aside some time for yourself too, you need a breathing space away from all this exhausting emotion. You speak of prayer, I hope that is a comfort to you, can you see your priest, pastor, minister? Could your church help?
I guess what I am saying is, YOU ARE NOT ALONE! You can get through this, but it is not a sign of weakness to ask for help!
Let me know if we can help in any other ways, keep talking to us, it helps to get things said into the open sometimes.
Thinking of you
Tammy
My husband has cheated & it has really taken a toll on me! I have lost sleep & cried so many tears about it until I am just tired! I have prayed about it but I am still not comfortable with us. I know I have done my part but we have had some misunderstandings & disagreements. I am trying to put it behind us & move forward but it is tough! I feel so awful…I just want to run away sometimes but I am trying to be strong & not give up on something I really want! OMG;it’s overwhelming!!!
Dear Tamara,
what a mess! Firstly, you have just had a baby and need more than anyone, to take care of yourself right now. YOU and the BABY are what is important. Many men get frustrated when their partners are pregnant, BUT, it does not excuse what he has done, and frankly, it is totally selfish of him to justify his cheating with complaints of not enough sex!
I see a not very nice pattern emerging here; he has an ex with a child, he left her and that child for you. Now that you have a baby, and his ex is happy to sleep with him again, he has sex with her. I do not think your boyfriend is a man that handles fatherhood well, in the early stages, he is not good with babies. or am I wrong? Is he very demanding about sex? Does he have a high sex drive?
You have to understand something, your boyfriends’ ex WILL be around FOREVER. He is the father of her child, she will insist that he is around, and presumably he goes to the other state to visit his child? That means, if she is willing to sleep with him, and he wants to, he will. She may be taking revenge on you, or may just be lonely and is wishing they could be a family.
This is not going to get any easier straight away because of your baby, and the fact that you are probably going to be tired and emotional for a while. YOU HAVE TO TALK TO HIM. he has to explain how he feels about both of you, and if possible, you have to talk to her too! He may have slept with her because he wanted sex, why did she sleep with him? You need to know what their relationship is now. If he says he loves her, this may be his way of saying that it is likely to happen again, and you have to decide then, whether you want to stay with him or not.
Let me know how it is going, get some family help for the next couple of months. Tell me if you need any more support.
Thinking of you
Tammy
i”ve been with my boyfriend for three years and i just found out that he cheated on me with his ex which he also has a child with.i just had a child by him 3 weeks ago.She lives in a different state but the fact that she will be around for ever if i have to stay with him bothers me. I love him very much but i don’t know what to do. he said he did it cuz we wasnt having sex as often and he wants to be with me,he loves her cuz they have a child but he’s in love with me, he made a mistake..bla bla bla. i need advices please
Hey Chris
this site is for ALL those who have been cheated on, or betrayed in some way. I am so sorry that you are in pain, and that your boyfriend has cheated on you..has he done this to keep his sister quiet? Sometimes people do really dumb things to get others off their backs. He may think he has not cheated on you if he has slept with a woman, because you know that this is not who he truly is? On the other hand, maybe he is struggling with being gay and was trying to see if he would feel attracted to a woman. If he is attracted to women, but also attracted to you, then I guess he is bi which is going to make your life very difficult, as his siter clearly cannot handle him being gay. I think the only choice you have is to ask him directly, it is better to know than to struggle with all these unanswered questions.
Let me know what happens, you do need o talk to him, and if I can help in any other way, drop me a line. You can e mail me if you do not want to post.
Warmly yours
Tammy
Dont know if this site is for me but im gay and my bf cheated on me because of his sister. She always trys to get girls with him and he refuses, but now she got to him. Is he really gay? I dont know what to do. He is my life. This always happens to us, we can never just be happy bfs. Somthing is always trying to pull us apart. What can I do???
It doesn’t matter what you do or say your man is still going to cheat on you. This isn’t coming from a bitter person because I love my man and I know he loves me too……BUT he’s still going to do whatever he wants to do. There’s nothing I can do about it. He’s taking care of home first. Now some ladies don’t mind being second best. I’m not one of them. I’m well taken care of. Ladies who cheat with other people’s men listen up…Don’t sell yourself short..sideline whore doesn’t look good on a resume or application. I know you’re thinking to yourself “this chick is crazy”. No really I’m not I’m just bringing you naive ladies back to reality. Men are going to cheat no matter how perfect you are or think you are. They’re always looking for something better. I’m not sure what “better” is, but that’s what they’re looking for. My philosophy is…they think the grass is greener on the other side of the pasture, but the fail to realize that if they water their own grass it would be just as green….if not greener. So, give them the benefit of the doubt ladies. Men were one of God’s first creations. He took longer to create women because he had to make sure we didn’t end up with the technical flaws men have. We are stronger and wiser. So let him feast on that artificial grass on the other side of the pasture..he’ll run back home with a belly ache every time. Remember though if it’s not benefiting you then let it go…there are more cheaters with benefits out there ladies… So stay wise & be safe.
Of course guys are going to cheat…Its cuz a guy can never get enough! Mostly guys just want sex froma girl. So i say FUCK GUYS!