Getting your Ex Back – can it be done?

It is coming up to Valentine’s Day and many peoples’ thoughts turn to love. But what if you have lost your love? maybe you had an almighty row, he/she cheated on you, you cheated on him/her, the damage seems irreperable, or is it? Getting your ex back may be easier than you realize, but how to do it effectively may be something you have got all wrong!

Ways of getting your ex back, and how NOT to do it!

Traditionally there is a lot of “Sorry” flying around after a relationship break up. Sorry I hurt you, sorry I said that, sorry I lost my temper…after a while sorry just does not cut it! Yes, you do have to apologize if you have done something wrong, but merely saying sorry will not result in you getting your ex back. If you are really and truly in the wrong, have cheated, lied, betrayed your love then you have a long road ahead to repair the relationship. Saying sorry is a start, but it won’t be believed, BEING sorry is what you have to show!

Being sorry means total honesty, transparency in all you do and no more lies.  However this does not mean being a wimp and agreeing to all and every demand. When someone feels betrayed they want to punish. The more they punish and the more you take it, the weaker you eventually become…there is a limit and you do not want to be getting your ex back at the expense of your whole personality! At some stage you have to be forgiven for the relationship to move forward.  If there is no apparent sign of this you may well be fighting a losing battle. The best relationships are between independent equals who choose to be together and respect each others’ strengths and weaknesses.

Why did you split up and is getting your ex back the best course of action?

Infidelity in relationships occurs for a variety of reasons, see Why Men Cheat and Cheating Wives and sometimes the reasons are too strong and reconciliation is not a possibility. However, in many cases couples do mend their relationships but often after a period of time apart. If you have split up, do not cling to the other partner, they need room to breathe. Delivering dozens and dozens of roses only works in the movies; a betrayed partner is likely to feel extremely angry and flowers will only enhance that fury! Meaningless romantic gestures will feel like an insult and are not a great method of getting your ex back after an affair. On the other hand, after a minor tiff a thoughtful bouquet can soften the blow and allow forgiveness and apology.

Getting your ex back after a cooling off period

>> Getting Your Groove Back After A Breakup
If you have had some time apart but whenever you are together trying to reconcile the other partner is still demanding loads of change, and rehashing old slights and hurts, you may need to rethink your approach.  Oddly enough, a cool distance is often more effective in getting your ex back, than persisitent pleas and crying!  It is really important that you use your time away from your ex to re-examine your own life as an individual. Relationships can become all consuming, and you risk losing yourself.  This is especially true of women who disappear into their marriages, always putting their husband and family’s interests first. Becoming more independent; developing new interests; standing on your own two feet rekindles desire for you as an attractive person in your own right. You may feel that getting your ex back is the only way for you to survive, but it may actually be detrimental to the long term health of the relationship. Clingy, dependent people with no ideas of their own become boring and infidelity becomes an attractive option!

How to make yourself attractive again – and why do so?

Yes, you can buy sexy lingerie, or cut your hair, or change your clothes but think first; who are you doing this for? If the answer is that you are changing solely with a view to getting your ex back then…oh no..that’s the wrong answer! Take the time apart from your ex to revisit all those things you loved doing, but stopped because of the relationship. Change to please YOURSELF not anybody else.  Learn to be happy with who you are and all the possibilities of who you could be.  For some inspiration, take a look at people you admire, learn a new skill, in other words move on with your life!

Yes, keep the lines of communication open with your ex, let them know you are around, but no waiting all night for the phone to ring! If you are truly comitted to getting your ex back, then find yourself first.