Why He Cheated on Me?
For most women who find out that their husband was cheating on them, the first considered reaction, and question they ask themselves is, how could this happen? You may not have had any idea that your marriage was in trouble, or maybe you had asked yourself, is he cheating on me, and dismissed the notion as foolish, ridiculous, and unthinkable. Now faced with the harsh reality of infidelity, and once the initial shock has passed your head will be full of these questions, which you may or may not get answers to. It is no good me saying donâ€™t beat yourself up over this, because you will; but I can say, at some point you must stop beating yourself up over this! You are going to get angry with yourself, and believe you to be naÃ¯ve, stupid, blind, not to have â€œseen the signsâ€ and known that your husband was having an extramarital affair. This is a normal reaction, but pointless, your husband did not want you to know he was cheating on you so he hid it, and he was successful, for a while, now you know about it, you have to forgive yourself for not realizing before, and let that question go.
Is he cheating on me? How could he do that to me?
There will follow a series of questions you will ask yourself, questions that actually you need to ask your husband, but not right now, not until you are ready to handle the answers. You will want to know whether anybody else knew about the affair, have other people also betrayed your trust by not telling you? You will need to know how long the affair has been going on, and this will be very valid if you want to put your marriage back together the length of the affair will give you answers to when your marriage started to go wrong. That terrible word trust will rear its ugly head at this stage, can you ever trust your husband again and has this happened before? If this is your husbandsâ€™ first extramarital affair, then putting your marriage back together will be easier than if he has been unfaithful on a regular basis.
The other aspect to trust is whether you can trust yourself again; your emotions are likely to be extreme at the start, and perhaps that is not a natural or comfortable state for you. Extreme emotions are painful and frightening, and in the context of a lot of infidelity going on around you, reported in the newspapers and discussed in many hairdressers, you may wonder if you are overreacting. The answer is no, you have a right to these feelings, a right to feel hurt and angry, and scared, and a right to wonder whether you are crazy to still love your husband after such a profound betrayal. You loved your husband yesterday before you knew about the affair, the knowledge cannot automatically switch those feelings off, and if you want to repair this marriage, it will take a lot of love, so hold onto that feeling for now.
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